(Bad) Sector Redemptionauyongtc | July 8, 2008
If you’re geeky enough (e.g. recompile your own Linux kernel) and keep updated with the current affairs (e.g. a Digg addict), you should know about Hans Reiser being convicted for murdering his wife. Hans Reiser is the guy who wrote the Linux filesystem of the same name. He pleaded not guilty, but was convicted of the murder anyway, despite not having substantial evidence presented against him. In the news today, he lead the police to the place he buried his wife, in hope for lighter sentence.
So he’s definitely going to jail. Maybe he’ll befriend a Scottish eBay trader-turned-scammer, McRed, who can procure anything you can find on eBay. One day he realized that his cell is becoming too dirty, he got McRed to help him buy a Roomba. Little did he know, the Roomba can also tunnel a hole in a wall if it’s set to “Dig” mode. So it started boring a hole in the wall and he needed to cover it up before he got caught. Luckily, McRed could get him a poster of Angelina Jolie to hang on his wall. Apparently the movie WantedDvDrip.AC3-aXXo.avi is the most popular movie being played endlessly in the recreational room there.
Now, he had to take his Roomba out to the yard everyday to empty its contents since it’s obviously collecting more dusts and rocks. And then one fine day, he and his circle of friends in there managed to secure places for temporary work at Netflix DVD rental processing center due to sudden increase of orders as Film Actors’ Guild (FAG) is on strike. Yeah, no new movies showing in theatres. During the stint there, he overheard Captain Hershey bitching over the high processing fees for a lottery that he won over e-mail from some obscure country. He then offered to help the Captain, suggesting that he can offer a smaller sum of his winnings to another person, one who would be willing to fork out the processing fees.
From that day on, he started helping out other guards in the prison sort out their spambox and covering up all the cache and browser history from all their pr0n surfing. He was assigned to help at the computer room, the only room where there’s a computer for use for the inmates to e-mail their wives/fans all over the world. Then, he was able to expand the computer room into a full-service internet cafe and even managed to get ASUS to donate eee PCs for the inmates to use. He even started to help some inmates get their CS diploma and RHCE Linux certification!
On the other end, he was helping the warden with ID theft scams by hacking the computers the inmates were using in the internet cafe. With the stolen IDs, they got more and more daring and amassed a big chunk of fortune in an offshore bank account in the Caribbeans. All that took up all of his time until the tunnel was ready. He managed to escape the prison via the tunnel and a national oil pipeline that happened to cut across the prison.
Upon his escape, he swiftly flew to the Caribbeans and withdrew all the monies from the scams and pinned all the crimes on the warden. When McRed finished serving his sentence, they met up in the Caribbeans and they both started an online casino called red34.com. And they lived happily ever after.
Somehow, the whole story had Morgan Freeman narrating it. Don’t ask me why. Maybe coz he’s God